Love On The Brain: The Neurobiology Of Falling For Someone
Falling in love is a powerful and transformative experience that affects us emotionally, psychologically, and even physically. But what exactly happens in our brains when we fall head over heels for someone? The answer lies in the fascinating world of neurobiology. Let's explore how the brain orchestrates this complex and enchanting process.
The Chemistry of Love
When we fall in love, our brains release a cocktail of chemicals that create the intense emotions and sensations associated with romance. These chemicals include:
Dopamine: Often referred to as the "pleasure chemical," dopamine plays a key role in the reward system of the brain. When we experience something pleasurable, such as falling in love, dopamine levels surge, creating feelings of euphoria and motivation. This is why new love often feels so exhilarating and addictive.
Oxytocin: Known as the "love hormone" or "cuddle hormone," oxytocin is released during physical touch, such as hugging, kissing, and sexual activity. It promotes bonding and attachment, strengthening the emotional connection between partners. Oxytocin also helps reduce stress and increase feelings of trust and security.
Norepinephrine: This neurotransmitter is responsible for the adrenaline rush we feel when we're in love. It increases heart rate, energy levels, and alertness, contributing to the excitement and arousal associated with romantic attraction.
Serotonin: Interestingly, serotonin levels tend to decrease when we fall in love, which can lead to obsessive thoughts and behaviors. This is why people often find themselves constantly thinking about their partner and craving their presence.
The Role of Evolution
From an evolutionary perspective, falling in love serves several important functions. It encourages pair bonding, which is essential for the survival and upbringing of offspring. The intense emotions and attachment fostered by love help ensure that partners remain committed and supportive of each other, increasing the chances of raising healthy and successful children.
The Transition from Passionate to Compassionate Love
While the initial stages of falling in love are characterized by intense passion and excitement, relationships often transition to a more stable and enduring form of love known as compassionate love. This phase is marked by deep affection, mutual respect, and a strong sense of partnership. Neurobiologically, the shift from passionate to compassionate love involves changes in brain activity and chemical balance, leading to a more sustainable and fulfilling connection.
What is the connection with psychotherapy?
Understanding the neurobiology of falling in love offers valuable insights into the powerful and complex nature of human relationships. People can unconsciously develop certain addictive behaviours like falling in love repeatedly to experience the release of good hormones. The Spanish fictional character of Don Juan, who devotes his life to seducing women, could, arguably, be a good example of such behaviour. Subsequently, like Don Juan, some individuals prematurely interrupt a romantic relationship to move on to the next one because they do not feel the emotional climax of the honey moon period anymore and are unable to move to compassionate love.
Sometimes, behind such repetitive behaviours can lie more severe symptoms of emotional dysregulation or problematic attachment. The highs and lows can also hide some mental health difficulties which people regulate by seeking high dopamine releasing activities and falling in love can be one of them. Fortunately, whilst psychotherapy addresses these dysfunctional behaviours and help regulate intense emotions, the authentic experience of falling in love is profound, beautiful and transformative.